About me. Sorta. More like about this blog and less about me- ish?

So I guess this is the part where I explain myself? My experience? My thought process? Or lack there of? Things I am not very good at communicating? Right. Here goes nothing.

This is my attempt to find peace of mind. Maybe no one will read it. Maybe I'd (not so) secretly prefer it that way. Honestly, who knows...definitely not me. I do know that I tend to hold the weight of the world on my shoulders and go through life with a positive mental attitude, but avoid communicating the not so pleasant things.

As a child, I always feared that if I ever talked about how I was feeling mentally or what I was going through, it would turn into an instant pity party. I learned that I was a smart child and that was fairly accurate. Now as an adult, I'd like to think that may not hold, yet I seem to get that same emotion if I ever open up, even just a little, about what I've gone through/am going through. Not always, but more often than I am comfortable with. I've toyed around with the idea of this blog for quite some time, but always talked myself out of it. I can't think of a name. I don't know how to make it pretty (I am a girl, duh). I can rarely be completely honest with people I know about my health and state of mind, much less the possibility of doing so with total strangers in the land of internet. After all, I was very good at dealing/hiding (whichever term made me feel better at the time) it. I've had a lot of practice. I could probably argue that I could have gone pro. Not that it's something one should be proud of. Or that someone was going to think I was whining. That someone probably being me. I'd think to myself 'Get a grip Dawn. Someone has it worse than you. Be thankful for what you do have' and I'd almost start to feel a bit guilty that I had to convince myself of such a concept, and that it didn't just come naturally, all the time. Those are things that crossed my mind on a regular basis. Yep, almost all of them. They might be even all be true, but as much as I thought about it, I never actually did it. Now I am writing this, I am doing it. Finally. I hope I don't decide to just hit the delete button in the near future. I know how long it took me and all the excuses I pulled to avoid it. Excuses to myself mind you. I am pretty sure I am capable of putting up the same (solid) argument again. Will anyone read it? Will I even read it? Can I write in a clear, concise, rational way? Probably not. I am more prone to ramblings full of rubbish. Proceed with caution. I've got the yellow tape out. Totally prepared. I should have started this blog at age eight. I think at that age we played Oregon Trail and learned what to do when the computer freezes Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. I could blame my neurological issues for my scatterbrain-ness? I think they were present before those. It must be my older brothers. Who knows what they dropped me on as a child.

Oh P.S. I know I'm not the best writer. I also don't have the faintest idea on how to make this blog pretty. I like the simplicity that it has now. Feel free to make suggestions :)